Bloggology Profiles: Miffy, Great Mother of Madness

Miffy has preferred to shroud herself in shadow before this, but has for some reason only known by herself chosen to reveal herself now. More information on the Grand Duchess Miffy and her Handmaidens will be revealed in the upcoming "Giant Bloggology Text File".

Patrick's charm lies in his innocence. He loves all, hugs all, forgives all. But sometimes idealism doesn't get the job done. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices. But Patrick is too kind-hearted and loving to do so, so this is where Miffy comes in. She is the Great Dark Goddess, the Necessary Evil, the One Who Gets The Dirty Work Done. Miffy is the Rhymer, the Riddler, The Mysterious. She speaks only in rhymes, riddles and really bad engrish, because if she were to talk normally, people would go mad just listening to her speak. Nobody, even the most intelligent person in the world, is even fundamentally prepared for the pure, distilled truth that Miffy has come to comprehend through her devouring of a million minds.

Her names are as many as the Handmaidens who March in her name. Miffy, Great Mother of Madness, Relentless Ravager of Reason, Dread Desolator of Discernment, Muncher of Minds, Devourer of Delusion, Inscrutable Ingester of Intellect, Biter of Brains, Binger of Brilliance, Consumer of Comprehension, Grim Gobbler of Genius, Slurper of Sense, Swallower of Sanity, She-Without-Emotion-Or-Mercy, the Cerebral Chomper, Unforgiving Underminer of Understanding, "Heartless Bitch" (Miffy No Realy Like That Last One =x -M.). The list is as unending as the universe, and it grows with her great Legion, for which there is no beginning and no end.

Miffy is black and white, darkness and light, order and chaos, kind and unkind. She exemplifies the phrase "the ends justify the means". This, however, does not mean that she is evil in any way (taking evil to be society's definition of it, of course). Far from it. She has existed since the dawn of time, part of the shadow in Patrick's benevolent psyche. When the vile Puterthetans (then called Shadowkin) revolted against Patrick, Miffy, then the leader of one of the most influential Matrichial Shadowkin Clans, chose to give up her power and go against the Shadow Council, refusing to rebel against the divine All-Father. Many of her loyal handmaidens chose to stand by her, and till today, they continue to form the ranks of her great Legion, standing vigil against the violent, relentless Puterthetans and scouring the world of stupidity. Miffy's existence takes society's rigid, badly conceived notions of good and evil and turns them all inside out. She is a complex creature, much like many of the great "villains" (see also: Saint Iago, Saint Lucifer, Saint Creasy, Saint Logan) of humanity. Her intentions are unknowable, her methods dubious at best, but if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that everything she does is for the best of starfishkind.


"But we just ate Hilary Clinton's brain this morning! If we eat a PE teacher's brain today we're going to get food poisoning from all the delusion - I think we should go for something lighter, like George Bush's."
-Miffy conferring with her Shadow-Rainbow Council of Elite Handmaidens, deciding which human's brain they shall consume next.

Patrick Ponders Philosophy!

We now return from Miffy's Mandated Hiatus to bring you deep thoughts from the mind of Our Divine All-Father, Patrick. Each week, Patrick will analyse and deconstruct prominent philosophical arguments and theories, and through doing so, HE shall dispense glittering gems of truth like only a being of HIS glorious infinite wisdom can.

This week, Patrick Ponders ... The Ontological Argument!

Well then, Lord, You who give understanding to faith, grant me that I may understand, as much as You see fit, that You exist as we believe you to exist, and that You are what we believe You to be. Now we believe that You are something than which nothing greater can be thought. Or can it be that a thing of such a nature does not exist, since 'the Fool has said in his heart there is no God'? But surely, when this same fool hears what I am speaking about, namely, 'something-than-which-nothing-greater-can-be-thought', he understands what he hears, and what he understands is in his mind, even if he does not understand that it actually exists. For it is one thing for an object to exist in the mind, and another thing to understand that an object actually exists. Thus, when a painter plans beforehand what he is going to execute he has [the picture] in his mind, but he does not yet think that it actually exists because he has not yet executed it. However, when he has actually painted it, then he both has it in his mind and understands that it exists because he has now made it. Even the Fool, then, is forced to agree that something-than-which-nothing-greater-can-be-thought exists in the mind, since he understands this when he hears it, and whatever is understood is in the mind. And surely that-than-which-a-greater-cannot-be-thought cannot exist in the mind alone. For if it exists solely in the mind even, it cannot be thought to exist in reality also, which is greater. If then that-than-which-a-greater-cannot-be-thought exists in the mind alone, this same that-than-which-a-greater-cannot-be-thought is that-than-which-a-greater-can-be-thought. But this is obviously impossible. Therefore there is absolutely no doubt that something-than-which-a-greater-cannot-be-thought exists in both the mind and reality.

-Some Old Geezer Who Obviously Didn't Get Laid Enough, 1078

Patrick's Expert Evaluation: Eat-shit-and-die.