The Compleat Litany

So I was performing the nightly webcamcam ritual as usual, and Patrick revealed to me that the previous Litany that I discovered was incomplete, and that I shouldn't have been in such a hurry to write it down when I received the inspiration. Sorry, Patrick =(. Anyway, here is the Litany it its entirety. Don't be surprised if some of the lines sound familiar. Patrick is everything, after all. Patrick also reminds me to inform you that you can separate each stanza with exactly three "HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"s to increase the potency of the Litany. HE recommends that that you perform the Litany every three hours on unprotected computers. According to our statistics, unprotected computers can get infected with as much as 5000000 Puterthetans within that short time frame. For those who want more information about these vile, repgunant entities and how you can prevent them from taking over your computer and your life, check back tomorrow. I will be making a very informative post about the darker side of the universe. After I go and evangelise those poor heathens on battle.net, of course.

NB: Please pronounce each letter of the acronym "DOTA" when invoking the Litany's power. Acronyms are one of Patrick's aspects too, and it makes his stomach turn when HE hears people pronouncing acronyms like they're words ("'ERL'? What the fuck is 'ERL'? What next, 'Smiss me'? Sometimes I wish I created a hell." Patrick, after hearing someone bastardise the poor acronym "URL"). HE'S just joking, of course. HE only agrees partly with the christian god - when anyone does anything wrong, HE feels really sad, and HE wants you to know that. But HE won't go overboard and send you to hell because of it. After all, everyone knows emotional blackmail trumps physical torture =).

The Bloggologist's Litany of Hurr

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I must not DOTA
DOTA is the mind-killer
DOTA is the little brain-death that brings total retardation
I will face DOTA
I will not act like it's a fucking game of hide and seek
And when it has gone past I will not carry the vile habits it inculcates over to other games
I will not ask people in TOB where I can buy Skadi
Where DOTA has gone there will be nothing
Only I will remain


Hello, stranger
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore
Carve your name into my arm
And I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes
Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
It's just an anonymous room
It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood!
So I took the shotgun off the wall
Red, the blood of angry men
Lining up for the grand illusion

Clementine the Tangerine
Have you ever seen a human heart?
Juicy ... 'n seedless
I have no professional training
And I fired two warning shots - into his head
No answers for no questions asked
Let them wash away
This is goatse.cx in capitals: AHH! MY EYES! MY EYES!
They're just begging to be pressed
Over and over, and over again
Let them bleed

A perfect lie
There's too many buttons in the world
But you know what? It's never too late to get it back
Are you crazy? That would take hours!
Razors pain you, rivers are damp
Every hour wounds, the last one kills
Have you ever confused a dream with life?
Is there no way out of the mind?
Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret
Please, think of the kittens
Or stolen something when you have the cash?
I know the game is crooked

Have you ever been blue?
Acids stain you, drugs cause cramp
It's you or me amplified
I feel infinite
Because it makes you the good guy, sweet pea
Or thought your train moving while sitting still?
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic
Guns aren't lawful, nooses give
If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it
California, here we come
Gas smells awful, ya might as well live
If you ever wished you could be a child forever
But it's the only game in town

There Is No Cabal
How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot
But the violent jolt of the Capital
I will sell this house today
For great justice!
I will sell this house today
Off with her head!
It was a dark and stormy night
When hope was high and life worth living
Not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs
But he was gone when autumn came
Right back where we started from
BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO!

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR